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Protect Your Family With DDT!
So I don't know if this is a nation-wide effort, but I've recently been hearing radio commercials the likes of which I've never heard before. They go something like this:"Your lawn is supposed to be a...
View ArticleLiving in Texas
A co-worker sent me the following forward about life in Texas. I'll let you know how accurate it is in about two months: Dear Diary: June 1st: Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how...
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Texan Quotation of the Day
The by-line for a local [country] radio station:Announcer: "We put the honk [honking horn sound] in honky tonk!"Me: [Head / steering wheel.]What else can I say, other than:
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Target: Houston
Since I've written so often about what I don't like about Texas, I figured it was probably time to include something that I've discovered I do like (about Houston, anyway)--mainly, the highway system....
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United State of Bush
Here's something that might make non-Texans shudder a little bit. I know it got me when I first came to this illustrious state. Not only is President George W. Bush's name on the "Welcome to Texas"...
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Which Are You, Boy?
“Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t much look like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down.” -- Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket (1987)I had a...
View ArticleTexan Quotation of the Day
All right, so technically, the word "Yankee" did not come up in conversation, but I feel like it almost did:Me: "[Name ommitted to protect one who has head very far up butt] isn't very friendly."Texan:...
View ArticleThe Thing That Should Not Be
(Warning: The following is extremely unpleasant. Read at your own risk.)Driving in to work yesterday, there was a discussion of the problem of people finding cockroaches--in their shoes. With their...
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That's MISS Lindsay-with-an-A to You!
I think this may be more of "Southern" thing than a "Texan" thing (and I'm slowly beginning to learn the difference between the two), but I have recently met several people who address others as "Mr....
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Things Are Definitely Bigger in Texas
As I was driving from Denver to Texas several weeks ago, I stopped for the night in Amarillo, Texas, home of the Big Texan, which is, in turn, "Home of the FREE 72 oz. Steak." I feel obliged to point...
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Yet More Proof That It's a Small World
One of my co-workers here in Houston is leaving on vacation this morning, flying into a little town called San Luis Obispo on the central coast of California (which is not too far away from my parents'...
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Who WOULDN'T Want to Visit the Cockroach Hall of Fame?
If you happen to be driving through Plano (just outside of Dallas), Texas, you can stop by the Cockroach Hall of Fame, where you can see dead roaches dressed up like celebrities, live Madagascar...
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Houston: Land of Concrete and Billboards
One of the first things I noticed upon moving to Houston was the preponderance of billboards--they're everywhere. They're so thick along highways like I-45 that it's like the street has been...
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Texans and Guns
"And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their...
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Watch Your Back in Waco
I didn't actually see this billboard but thought it was really funny when someone told me about it. It's a billboard from Waco, TX, that was paid for by the Waco Police Association. Apparently it was...
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I Guess I'll Make One Less Donut Joke This Year
I was recently made aware that ticket quotas are illegal in the state of Texas. Speaking as a lead foot, I have to say hearing this is something of a relief (read: completely awesome, and the first...
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Woo! Party Boat!
Apparently there's a trend (of which I had never before heard) of Houstonians going to these things called party boats, which are essentially floating hotels that leave out of Galveston or a similar...
View ArticleI Defy You To Get Lost in Downtown Houston
Seriously, I think it's pretty much impossible. For those of you who don't know, I am the queen of U-turns, notorious across states for having no sense of direction, and I managed to find the downtown...
View ArticleTexan Quotation of the Day
Before you ask, yes, this is almost word-for-word:Texan: "So how many guns do you have?"Me: [Sure I didn't hear correctly.] "... I'm sorry?"Texan: "I said, how many guns do you have?"Me: "Oh. A better...
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Aw, Houston's First Prius!
Photographic evidence that Houston does, in fact, have environmentally-concious people other than yours truly. Of course, the fact that this is the first Prius I've seen since moving here from Denver,...
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The Eyes of Texas
I see this sign at least twice a day and every time I do it kind of cracks me up. It's not unlike those "Neighborhood Watch" signs that are so prevalent everywhere else I've lived, but for some reason...
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The Early Bird Gets Disappointed
I was out and about early yesterday (which for me on a Sunday means 10:30) and found a number of Houston retail locations that had not yet opened. Speaking as a former retail worker in California, I...
View ArticleLet's Talk About Humidity
It's gross. It makes you sweaty and builds a dependence on air conditioning. Apparently it will make your skin look ten years younger, but I don't really think the trade-off is worth it if it makes...
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"Special" People of Texas
I finally decided this week to get my Texas driver's license--I generally put this kind of thing off until the last possible moment due to my overwhelming hatred of standing in line at the DMV. Truth...
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